Paul Gascoigne was relying on a referee having a sense of humour. Brave.
For having the temerity to have both his legs scythed from beneath him yesterday Manchester City's Sergio Aguero was booked for diving, a decision that brought wide-eyed disbelief from the watching millions. It was an error by Mike Jones that has to go down as the worst of the season so far but at least the hapless official is now in good company. Stephen Tudor brandishes a red to six of the worst reffing howlers of all time...
Bustamante's boo-boo
What often compounds a referee's negligence is the denial of brilliance. With that in mind Chile's Salvador Gonzales Bustamante warrants special merit here for depriving the world of its first ever recorded overhead kick.
In the 1962 World Cup, Spain were a goal to the good on Brazil with Pele and co facing elimination and desperately resorting to rough-house tactics.
A floated free-kick dropped behind Spanish winger Adelardo Rodriguez who acrobatically curled home a beauty to surely see Spain into the quarter finals.
Alas Bustamante spied an offside that simply didn't exist and Brazil scored two late heartbreakers.
Thomas calls time
Karma waited sixteen years to enact revenge on the Samba Boys and did so in the form of Welsh disciplinarian Clive Thomas.
Time was technically up on the Group 3 clash between Brazil and Sweden as Nelinho lined up to take a corner. But whatever happened to seeing out a passage of play?
With milliseconds in it the great artist Zico was cruelly undone by a man so pedantic he probably returned his tax forms with amendments and suggestions.
Gazza booked for fun
If Thomas v Brazil was all that is good in football brushing up against the stern face of authority, then the worst was yet to come.
In 1995 Rangers were drubbing Hibs 7-0 and Ibrox was in full-on party-mode. As official Dougie Smith dropped his yellow card in the vicinity of Gazza, the Clown Prince couldn't resist flashing it in the ref's direction on its return, accompanied of course by his trademark cheeky grin.
Presumably still recovering from his humour bypass, Smith dourly flourished the card back, essentially cautioning a player for having fun.
The next time you wonder why they aren't any characters left in the game watch this. This is why.
The Old Trafford travesty
With two minutes left on the clock Spurs were digging in for an invaluable point at the Theatre of Dreams. United stopper Roy Carroll raced from his goal to clear only to see the ball pop up sweetly for Pedro Mendes to attempt a fifty yard effort that was both speculative and spectacular.
Carroll, still on his heels, spilled the return a full two yards over the goal-line prompting Spurs fans - or anyone of a non-United persuasion blessed with eyes - into wild celebration.
From the spectacular to Specsaver-tacular in a heartbeat, Mark Clattenburg's famous blunder gave rise to conspiracy theories of United favouritism among many that still persist.
If you score at Old Trafford make sure the net bursts.
Palace's phantom goal
Sometimes though even a thunderbolt that rattles the back stanchion isn't conclusive enough to concentrate the minds of our hapless men in black.
Clive Allen's blaster from 1980 has gone down in lore as a blunder of epic proportions. As the ball trickles out from a goal it has clearly just pummelled the ref heads over to consult with his linesman. Okay, that's fine. Officials are fallible after all. Perhaps he blinked and missed it? Now that he's seeking the advice of a fellow professional surely now justice can be served? Oh. Oh dear.
Schumacher batters Battiston
These days a tap on the ankle brings a caution and a reputation for being a 'hard man'.
Back in the day - July 8th 1982 during a World Cup semi-final between Germany and France to be precise - a keeper could launch himself at a forward's face with all his might, knock our several teeth, and cause concussion and damaged vertebrae. All without so much as a free-kick being given.
Even today the decision shocks as much as the blatant act of thuggery.
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