Five tips for David Moyes ahead of his move to Real Sociedad

David Moyes squinting in the sun, wondering where the rain is

David Moyes has decided to get back on the managerial horse after a tumultuous time at Manchester United. Real Sociedad is his next destination, and Luke Moore offers five suggestions that might help him get back to winning ways...

1. Stay out of student nightclubs in San Sebastian

Those with a memory that extends back seven years (a long time in football) will remember that Welshman Chris Coleman held the reins at Real Sociedad for a short time back in 2007, but lasted just seven months before returning to these shores with his (presumably alcohol-soaked) tail between his legs.

One of the main reasons for his departure was reported to be a major disagreement with then chairman Iaki Badiola, but the seeds were sown when Coleman was late for training one morning due to a 'washing machine malfunction' which turned out to be a euphemism for 'I was out in the wee small hours at a local nightclub and couldn't get up on time the next morning', something most of us can undoubtedly relate to.

Not that this tip is likely to be too relevant to Scotsman Moyes, thinking about it. He doesn't really seem like the clubbing type. He seems much more likely to be the staying-up-late-in-his-big-armchair-by-the-window-with-a-port-in-hand type, pondering the reasons for the Manchester United debacle. Reflective.

2. Hire a good interpreter/coach/genius to help you

One of Britain's greatest coaches, the late Sir Bobby Robson, managed at several clubs abroad during his glittering career including Porto, PSV and Barcelona. It was when he was hired as manager of Sporting in Lisbon though that he first took on Jose Mourinho as an interpreter, who ended up following him all over Europe and turned out to be, well, a bit handy as a coach.

Mourinho ended up as Robson's eyes and ears in the dressing room at Sporting, as his assistant at Porto and an important coach during Sir Bobby's time at Barcelona. The Special One's style greatly complimented Robson's and they remained close until the latter's death in 2009.

So, perhaps David Moyes could pick up the phone to a young Portuguese manager to help him out? Not sure Mourinho is readily available (or very young anymore), but there's another ex-Porto man doing the rounds who might just be tempted. Anyone got Andre Villas-Boas' number? He must be getting bored of Zenit by now - he's been there eight months already...

3. Don't adopt a faux-Spanish accent. Or maybe do

Big Steve McClaren's managerial career has rollercoasted from the sublime to the ridiculous pretty readily these past few years - from laughing stock as England manager to league success with Twente in Netherlands, to failure at Wolfsburg and semi-redemption as manager of an exciting young team back in England with Derby, via a few other bits and pieces.

It is his time during his first spell at Twente which almost permanently cemented him as a figure of fun and derision however, after this interview in which he was seen and heard adopting a frankly preposterous Dutch accent while talking to a local journalist. Undoubtedly trying to further ingratiate himself with the locals without having to bother with the difficult stuff like, you know, actually learning the language, it schort of, how you say, 'backfired in a big way', and soschial media almoscht broke itschelf with cumulative laughter.

He did, however, go on to lift the league title with FC Twente for the first time in their history in 2010, so maybe in fact it was quite the lucky charm. If we see Real Sociedad struggling and Moyes coming into press conferences with an affected lisp and dropping in the occasional foreign inflection, we'll know why. No stone unturned and all that...

4. Make sure that 'Moyes' doesn't mean something rude in Spanish

John Toshack is a footballing great. From playing upfront for the legendary Liverpool team of the 1970s to managing all over Europe at some huge clubs including the biggest of all - Real Madrid (and also Real Sociedad three times, strangely enough), the big Welshman is well-travelled and well-respected. Ok, well-respected everywhere apart from Turkey.

Because it was only when John took the reins at Turkish side Besiktas that he realised that his name, Toshack, is dangerously close to the Turkish word for testicles. So essentially, he was now managing in a place where his name was uncomfortably similar to 'John Bollocks'. And it doesn't matter what you win (John Bollocks actually won the Turkish Cup while he was there), you're still going to be called John Bollocks. 

So a word of advice for David Moyes - make sure your name doesn't mean anything ridiculous in Spanish. It'll undermine your efforts. In fact, we took the liberty of Google Translating 'David Moyes' into Spanish on his behalf and it came back with no results. Phew.

I just can't stop saying it. John Bollocks. He was actually called John Bollocks.

5. Don't worry about the climate

At first glance it's natural to worry for our intrepid, pale-skinned Scotsman - leaving the rainy, northern European city of Liverpool (via a flying visit to the even-more rainy Manchester) for a new life in much milder climes down on the north coast of Spain.

However, extensive research (one weather site and wikipedia) tells us that San Sebastian isn't actually the warmest of places anyway. And it rains quite a lot. For example, at the time of writing it's only a paltry 19C and is scheduled to rain for four days in total between now and Monday. So put the suncream away David, you won't need it here. You're better off ditching it from your suitcase and sticking an extra waterproof in there instead.

Which makes us think he'll feel right at home. Because it's currently raining in Scotland, Manchester and Liverpool too.

We haven't checked, but it's pretty much guaranteed.

What tips would you offer to David Moyes when he embarks on his big adventure? Stick them in the comments section below!

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