Oy you! Can you play football? Want to play for QPR?
Expect excitement galore and a whole lote more... it's Transfer Deadline Day. Mike Norman tells us who has gone where and how the Betfair markets are being affected...
*You can also follow us on Twitter @BetfairSports for more regular, snappier updates as well as a day full of chat
15:30
Quite early for Tottenham to be thinking about activity with a whole seven-and-a-half hours left of the window, but reports that they have made a 16m bid for long-term target Leandro Damiao as they look to secure Champions League qualification. They trade at 2.265/4 to make a top four slot.
Speaking of Tottenham strikers, unsurprising news emerges from Barnsley that the Championship outfit have cancelled Mido's contract. Shares in fast food outlets in the area have plummeted, while Barnsley are still as short as 1.68/13 to get relegated.
Elsewhere, Stoke have reportedly agreed a fee with Birmingham City for goalkeeper Jack Butland, who turned down a move to Chelsea's bench earlier in the week.
14:30
Ex-Middlesbrough striker Danny Graham has moved to Sunderland for a reported 5m fee. Not sure how that'll go down with the Black Cats faithful; he was roundly booed during Swansea's visit last weekend in what was one of the worst games of the season. He's signed a three-and-a-half year deal in the North East and presumably will go straight into the squad to face Reading at the Madejski Stadium.
In other more glamorous news (with all due respect to Martin O'Neill and Danny Graham) David Beckham is expected to be unveiled as a Paris St Germain player this afternoon. At the moment, we're not sure what number shirt he'll have; 7 and 23 are both taken. That said, he wore 32 under Ancelotti in Milan, so maybe he'll plump for that. When Zlatan signed for the Paris giants he was unveiled in front of the Eiffel Tower so it'll be interesting to see how they top that for the original global superstar footballer.
And before we leave for another wee while, news has come through to us that Liverpool plan to release Doni. Hold the back page!
13:30
Starting to wonder if clubs up and down the country realise that the transfer window shuts at 11pm tonight, not 11am this morning, as it's gone extremely quiet in the last few hours.
I can report however that Newcastle fan and former Middlesbrough player Danny Graham has turned up for a medical at Sunderland after the Black Cats and Swansea agreed a 5m fee. Graham better hit the ground running at Sunderland, or the fans will soon remind him of his links to the two other big north-east clubs, and it won't be pleasant.
Sunderland are available to back at 2.8615/8 to record a Top 10 Finish, while Newcastle can be backed at 6.25/1.
News from Anfield... but it's not very big news so don't get too excited Liverpool fans. Reserve team striker Dani Pacheco has moved out on loan to Spanish second division side SD Huesca. Pacheco is 22-year-old now and has been at Liverpool seemingly for an age. Our guess is we'll never see him in a Reds shirt again.
After surrendering a 2-0 lead over Arsenal last night, Liverpool are out to 8.88/1 to record a Top Four Finish this term, the Gunners can be backed at 2.447/5.
Aston Villa are extremely close to signing Yacouba Sylla, a 22-year-old French midfielder who - wait for it - has never played top-flight football anywhere, has never scored a league goal, and has been described this morning as not ready to make an immediate impact.
I'm not sure he's the signing Villa fans had in mind as the club desperately tries to avoid relegation - for which they can be backed at 1.635/8 currently.
We've saved the best bit of news for last in this update however. Harry Redknapp has finished his lunch and has been interviewed... from the window of his car again. Somethings never change.
12:30
Some of the bigger deals either completed or expected to be completed include;
Mario Balotelli - 19m - Man City to AC Milan
Chris Samba - 12.5m - Anzhi Makhachkala to QPR
Gary Hooper - upto 10m - Celtic to Norwich?
Danny Graham - 5m - Swansea to Sunderland
David Beckham - free agent - to Paris St Germain
We're also expecting QPR to make bids for one, two, or even all three of the following - David Bentley, Jermain Jenas (both Tottenham) and Peter Crouch (Stoke). Slightly less likely perhaps, but don't rule out QPR making a bid also for West Brom striker Peter Odemwingie who last week was very vocal about his desire to leave the Baggies.
The Loftus Road club were available to back at 1.728/11 in the Relegation market last night, they have now drifted to 1.84/5.
Stoke have tabled a formal bid of around 4m for Birmingham goalkeeper Jack Butland, however the youngster says he only wants to join a club that can guarantee him first team football. With Asmir Begovic at Stoke, it's unlikely Butland will be first choice. Or will Begovic seal a late move to a bigger club?
We have another done deal. Luciano Becchio is now a Norwich player with Steve Morrison and some cash going to Leeds.
Mutterings that David Moyes wants to bring in one or two new players at Everton, with Alvaro Negredo reportedly his top target, though an unknown La Liga player could also be one of his targets.
And we believe that Harry Redknapp has gone for lunch. Egg, bacon, sausage and beans his meal of choice, though wheeler-dealer Harry is right now trying to negotiate a swap deal, bringing in some fried bread with a rash of bacon going in the opposite direction.
11:45
We hope you enjoyed that last entry from transfers completed on Deadline Day 10 years ago, but back to the serious business now... and it's been quite busy in the last hour or so.
Firstly, David Beckham - who is a free agent and doesn't have to sign before tonight's 11pm deadline - is having a medical at Paris St Germain. The Ligue 1 Orange club are as short as 1.341/3 to win the French title this season.
Luciano Becchio has passed a medical at Norwich and is expected to sign shortly with Steve Morrison moving to Leeds as part of the deal. The Yorkshire outfit are available to back at 10.09/1 in the Championship Promotion market.
As for the earlier news we brought you on Andros Townsend possibly joining QPR, well the Spurs winger turned up for a medical, and was promptly told the deal was off. He turned his car around and drove off. Charming eh? Tottenham are available to back at 2.265/4 in the Top Four Finish market.
Highly-rated Barnsley right-back John Stones was reportdly a target of Everton, but it appears Wigan have had a 3m bid accepted from the Championship club. Staying with Everton and they have said that Marouane Fellaini is not for sale this window and he will be staying at the Goodison Park club.
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11:15 - Done Deals (2003)
Christophe Dugarry has joined Birmingham on loan until the end of the season, while Harry Redknapp has moved to strengthen his Portsmouth squad by signing little known Maccabi Haifa striker Yakubu.
Yakubu may be little known to most of you, but we've seen him play and we reckon he'll be a huge success at Pompey, before moving to Middlesbrough, Everton, Leicester and Blackburn.
Middlesbrough have been heavily involved in this window and they have signed Malcolm Christie from Derby and the highly-rated Michael Ricketts from Bolton. Both are sure to score goals in the Premier League and we predict huge futures for these two - Christie possibly moving into car sales with Ricketts perhaps getting released from Tranmere in 2010 and never playing again.
Lee Bowyer has moved from Leeds to West Ham but we're not sure about this one. We can see Bowyer hitting some poor form, retiring from the game, and ridiculously trying to qualify for golf's Open Championship in 2012.
11:00
Big done deal. Super Mario has finally ended his stay in England. Balotelli is now an AC Milan player having agreed a four year contract with the Italian giants. The fee is reported to be in the region of 19m and Mario will wear the number 45 shirt, probably in reference to the number of minutes he has played for Man City this season.
Norwich are like a dog on heat when it comes to Gary Hooper, they're in again, this time with a fourth bid. It probably doesn't help their chances of having a bid accepted when at the bottom of a Norwich fax it reads, "please reply ASAP so we can put forward another bid should you reject this one."
Republic of Ireland winger Aiden McGeady was reportedly close to signing for Wigan but Latics boss Roberto Martinez has now said that the Spartak Moscow player will not be joining the relegation-threatened club.
We haven't mentioned QPR for a while, but fear not here's some more news on the London club. And surprise surprise it's Harry raiding his old club again - this time he's in for Spurs midfielder Andros Townsend. Rumours that Redknapp is trying to persuade his former West Ham striker Paulo di Canio out of retirement are said to be wide of the mark however.
So, it's the clubs at the bottom of the Premier League table that are desperately trying to strengthen their squads. In the Relegation market Betfair currently bet - Reading 1.558/15, Aston Villa 1.645/8, QPR 1.774/5, Wigan 2.427/5, Southampton 3.39/4, and Norwich 6.86/1.
10:15
First, some housekeeping on the earlier news we brought you about Danny Graham. His representatives have told Sky Sports News that he has ruled out a move to Middlesbrough, despite Swansea accepting a 5m bid from the north-east club.
Staying in the Championship we have some news on Blackpool's star player Thomas Ince. And the news is that, well, he's staying in the Championship! Interest from Liverpool appears to have died down, but don't be surprised if a Premier League club agrees a deal similar to the 'Wilfried Zaha to Manchester United back to Crystal Palace on loan' deal.
We have a done deal. Defender Paul Scharner has moved to Wigan on loan from Hamburg. The Latics are available to back at around 2.3611/8 in the Relegation market.
And we also have a cancelled deal. Everton agreed a few with FC Twente for midfielder Leroy Fer earlier in the week, but that proposed transfer is now off after it came to light that the 23-year-old has a problem with knee. The Toffees can be backed at 5.14/1 in the Top Four Finish market.
We've already mentioned some of the big Premier League clubs and how they are not expected to be involved heavily on Transfer Deadline Day. Well what about Arsenal? It's rumoured that they could strengthen their squad by selling defender Andre Santos! But as for Arsene Wenger spending any cash today - about a loaf of bread is probably as much as he'll stretch to.
09:30
One of the biggest stories so far this morning, certainly from a transfer fee perspective, is the 5m fee reportedly agreed between Middlesbrough and Swansea for striker Danny Graham.
Graham was released by 'Boro as a teenager but since then the club has gone backwards whereas Graham's career has moved forward. Middlesbrough have lost three on the spin in the Championship and are desperately in need of some firepower in attack. Tony Mowbray's men are available to back at 4.1n/a in the Promotion market.
As we've already said, QPR are going to figure prominently on TDD, and the early news is that experienced defender Christopher Samba has passed a medical and signed for the Loftus Road club.
BREAKING NEWS - Sky Sports News have just interviewed Harry Redknapp from his car window... now there's a surprise. QPR are reportedly interested in David Bentley, while Jermaine Jenas and Peter Crouch - other players Harry has previously worked with - could also be going to the Premier League's bottom club. No change in their Relegation odds though - still 1.748/11 to back.
Celtic striker Gary Hooper is a player expected to move clubs at some point before tonight's 11pm deadline, though Norwich have now had a third bid rejected by the Scottish giants. Could the Canaries now turn their attention to Leeds striker Luciano Bechhio? Norwich are 6.611/2 to be relegated.
Of the clubs at the top of the table, Manchester United, Chelsea, and Liverpool have all said they don't expect much to happen today, while the big news from Man City's perspective is the transfer of Mario Balotelli to AC Milan. That hasn't been finalised yet, so expect things to go wrong there - Mario setting off a firework in Milan airport perhaps, being arrested, and missing the deadline to sign his contract.
09:00
Welcome to Transfer Deadline Day - or if you're a QPR fan, Revolving Door Day.
Depending on how tight your chairman is, how desperate your club is for cash, or where you currently sit in the league, today can be a bit like either Christmas or Halloween. Will you be unwrapping some exciting new talent, or will you endure the nightmare scenario of your club selling your most prized assets?
Stick with us and we'll bring you all the transfers that matter, and perhaps more importantly, how the Betfair football markets are being affected.
Take the aforementioned QPR for example. Harry Redknapp - probably from the comfort of hanging out of his car window - is set to offload and bring in a plethora of players today with the aim of strengthening his squad. The Hoops are available to back at 1.748/11 in the Relegation market, but those odds could change dramatically depending on activity at Loftus Road during the next 14 hours.
We'll shortly bring you an update of what has happened and some of the transfers that are expected to happen, but don't forget you can follow our Twitter handle - @BetfairSports for more regular succinct updates right up until the window slams shut.
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